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The Secret is In the SauceIs It Normal?
September 22nd, 2010
Is it normal? This is a question I ask myself a lot when it comes to my daughter. Every parent asks themselves this question at some point in their lives. I probably ponder this question just about every day. Lately, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about my daughter’s friend-making abilities.
One thing you should know about my daughter is that she has a bit of a rebellious personality when it comes to anything I suggest or even think about. Of course, this should not surprise me, since I was and still am the same way when it comes to my mother. If I suggest that Ava wear a certain outfit, she protests. If I suggest that something we are eating is yummy, she all of a sudden doesn’t like it. The other night I played a little game with her to test her out and I told her that she had to eat candy and ice cream after dinner. Exactly as I expected – she vehemently refused, but she left the window open and said that she could possibly eat it at a later time. Smart little cookie….
Lately, I have been observing how she interacts with other kids at school. I want to make sure she is having a good school experience, and as we all know, making friends is a big part of it. At drop-off the kids seem to arrive in class and go directly to whatever toy sparks their interest that morning. Most of the kids greet each other and play together. Ava is a different story. She is not at all interested in going to see the other kids. In fact, this morning a little boy walked over and gave her a hug and she just shoved him away. Well, at least I don’t have to worry about her interest in boys for a little while longer!
So, I find myself asking the famous question - is it normal that she isn’t interested in making friends? Is my kid destined to be a loner? Why doesn’t she believe me when I tell her having friends is fun?
I did a bit of reading and it seems like it could be considered normal for preschool children to not always want to play together. Does this mean that this behavior will change when she gets older? Boy, do I hope so!
I am curious to know what other parents have experienced in regards to their children’s socialization habits. Please leave me a comment and share your story, I would love to hear from you.
One Response to “Is It Normal?”
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Yes, it’s normal! I can tell you, not only as a mom but as a teacher, that Ava will be fine. Truth be told I have two and two- two kids who are social butterflies, life of the party-types, and two who are more like Ava- very choosy about their friends. They prefer to scope a situation, and people, out before plunging in. When Jamie (who is now 9 and in grade 4) was Ava’s age I was worried for her, the way you are for Ava. I wish I hadn’t wasted the energy! She has a couple of very close friends and is ‘friendly’ with everyone- but she doesn’t make friends easily, and this does not bother her one bit. She does not feel a lack of friends in her life- even though I can’t understand how having just a handful of buddies can be enough for her! It’s just how, and who, she is. I worry less about her than I do about Carly (who’s 7) and behaves as though any social situation is a Frosh week! We fear she may end up being more of a ‘follower’ because she is always in a gang of kids. I wouldn’t push it or belabour the point if I were you. Ava needs to know that however she chooses to develop friendships (and for her it will probably be a slow process), it is perfect for her.